Why did he /she behave that way? Am I responsible for their behavior? But I tried my best, what was wrong?
My inner voice answers some random questions that keeps wandering in my head sometimes. (Wandering these questions in my head sometimes I hear random answers, my inner voice is telling me) There is often an unstoppable conversation in my mind going around. It seems like my mind and inner voice are in a conflict because of the unexpected circumstances that keeps getting along the way. (An unstoppable conversation with my inner voice arise in my head due to facing any sudden unexpected circumstances sometimes and) I start to figure things out by thinking and then rethinking it. I talk to myself, “If I can figure things out right now, if I can fix my future attempts right now, If I have a list of do’s and don’ts ready for myself, I assume I will find a solution or at least can stop the chattering mind”, when in reality I feel frozen out of anxiety.
When I observed and realized that this pattern of thinking has left me with no positive affect but negative ones- frozen, paralyzed, demotivated in doing any kind of task, mentally or physically. I was so drained out that I could not command my hands and legs to function (I observed this pattern and found, continuing this pattern left me frozen, paralyzed, demotivated in doing any kind of task, mental or physical. I feel my hands and legs are unable to move literally, i feel irritated to face any single everyday event.)
Dear, if you are the one experiencing this pattern, do a favor to yourself today. Do not punish your inner self in such a way that it destroys your inner peace, be a little kind to yourself today. This habit of thinking and wanting to figure everything out on your own at one instant is harmful for both, mental and physical health. You know this somewhere inside your head, but you forget sometimes that you cannot fix every math on your own, you cannot connect each dot alone to draw things perfectly. Your story may include different characters, weathers, colors and you need each of them to complete your journey.
Look back for a while. Remember? Even after experiencing such issues, you realize why you met that person, why such a beautiful storm passed out your yard and broke everything that came its way. Because after passing some time with patience and hope you realize it was okay to change the path.. It will prepare you more strongly, genuinely, and passionately to live your life again with a completely new vibe. You have found a new normal, you are trying every day to go with the flow. You learnt that happiness can also be found in little things. You are trying to not be too hard on your inner soul by thinking each disturbing things because you know it will pass soon. And now you know you can be happy on your own if you want, that power is all yours by the endless mercy of Allah. You pat yourself on the back for remaining calm, patience and of course hopeful though it is too hard sometimes. Maybe some days you just go with the flow believing one day your unuttered wish will come true as Allah hears everything. Through the process you learn and start to believe no matter how messy your life will look like; it will see the light of hope again.
~ Written by- Tasriha Binte Khaleque
Comentarios